


shout at the wall ('cause the walls don't fucking love you)

by solar_crystals (moonlit_aura)



Series: do not go gentle into that good night [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Dave | Technoblade and Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, Gen, Insane Wilbur Soot, Retrospective, The Sky Gods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:42:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27272869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlit_aura/pseuds/solar_crystals
Summary: a boy searches for logical explanations in illogical fragments of a shattered mind.or:tommy blames himself and maybe he's right to do so in some aspects even if everyone else denies that.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Jschlatt & Wilbur Soot, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: do not go gentle into that good night [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1991329
Comments: 12
Kudos: 351





	shout at the wall ('cause the walls don't fucking love you)

**Author's Note:**

> So here's the deal.
> 
> Last fanfiction before this series is from 2017. How did I choke out two works so fast one after the other? I'll tell you my secret.
> 
> I, like, hyperfixated on MCYT super-hard and also read some poems which only fueled my creation machinations. I do recommend reading poems if you have either a writer's block or even an artblock, it really helps conjure up some ideas in your head.
> 
> The lore about the Sky Gods deepens. And honestly it's "i think i've made my choice (i think i've found my voice)" part 2 in disguise, except this time it's Outsider's POV and the outsider is Tommy.
> 
> Anyway, cube people needing therapy below. Remember it's all roleplay and don't be weird about it. I appreciate feedback and even suggestions on what you'd like to read about in the comments!
> 
> TITLE: Jubilee Line by Wilbur Soot
> 
> find me on twitter: @nightmareofhers

the thing is, tommy knows he's impulsive. he works strictly under the "shoot first, ask questions later" mindset, his thoughts - though pretty fast by normal standards - way too slow to catch up to his rapid actions. 

that itself wasn't a problem - it made him quick on his feet, able to slip through the tiniest gaps someone left, capable of thinking of strategies on the fly. the trouble began with the fallout.

he'll admit it - he avoided the worst consequences of his actions as if they were lethal until at some point he realized he became so careless that such a possibility became reality. what he _didn't_ realize back then was that consequences don't just disappear and someone (usually tubbo) had to pick up his slack.

who really started the war? of course it was dream that declared it but starting a war and declaring it are two vastly different things. you could say that wilbur started it as a commander but wilbur came to dream's land for tommy. he gave up so many things just to support him.

and now wilbur is off the deep end.

an animal backed into a corner lashes out. and wilbur lashed out hard.

he doesn't sing anymore, at least not where anyone can hear. his eyes are dark and tired, yet constantly vigilant as if he's expecting an attack at any point, even if he's in a place anyone else would've deemed safe.

tommy barely remembers, his early memories fuzzy, but wilbur always sang, especially when things were going badly. phil once told him that he couldn't handle the silence because then his thoughts became too loud.

he doesn't know a whole lot about wilbur's past. everything he knows came from wilbur himself or phil and techno, who were also told what they know by him. so if there was something wilbur didn't want people to know (even if they _needed_ to know to help him) they just… didn't know.

what he does know is that wilbur met schlatt before phil found him, when they were both kids, younger than even tommy himself is now. something happened back then that wilbur doesn't talk about but a few stray clues (fear of drowning, vigilance near the lava, constant second-guessing of his every ally) point that these memories stay hidden for a certain, not very pleasant reason. the details escape him but he can stitch together a coherent theory as to what might've happened.

he can't imagine the feeling of bitterness and grief he would've felt if tubbo betrayed him. he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it.

so wilbur was cracked long before the war and long before phil took him in. tommy didn't know better and kept demanding with his loud words and brash actions for more more more never enough and more.

he broke his brother, he knows he did. if he could turn back time, he would.

but what if he made the same mistakes? he never learns anyway. and it's also impossible so there's no point in dwelling on that.

if he had to guess why he's feeling the way he is, he'd say the reason is he's frustrated because what happens is now out of his hands and he's helpless and that is exactly what he hates the most he hates it so much he's useless and he can't fix his own mistakes. he kept pushing and pushing and wilbur finally fell and dropped, not quite getting up but crawling along the path of destruction that tommy himself set out.

because he did. he's the destructive one that always expected others to clean up his mess after he was done playing. but wilbur looked around and figured he'd start doing the same thing and now he's basically gone, a different person in place of him.

there were always signs of something awful happening in the past to him. he overheard techno and phil talking about it once, about how his mind has been interfered with too many times and how it left its mark. tommy didn't know what that meant but it doesn't take a genius that it's a pretty bad thing. did tommy break what was already fractured by being careless?

(sometimes wilbur's brown eyes glinted gold in the light, his smile a bit more unhinged and his feet a bit off the ground but tommy always forgot about it the moment it happened, the memory torn out of his head before he had the chance to ask)

(the only thing he remembered out of that was wilbur suddenly locking himself up in the nearest room and humming a panicked melody for - from his point of view - no reason whatsoever)

tommy used to worry about what next adventure he could get into and how fast he could do it. now he can't fall asleep because the sight of his best friend bleeding out in a trap for everyone to see burned into his eyelids and he can't get the hysterical laugh of his brother that almost sounds like a cry for help out of his head.

tommy regrets a lot of things now and he's sure that he is right to do so even if others tell him that's not true. but he can only move forward and try to find a way out of this mess without forcing anyone to deal with the aftermath in his place.


End file.
